Kenny Bloggins

I've been infected with the blog fever. Unfortunately for my reputation I'm one of the last in a string of all my friends to actually jump on the wagon.  Now instead of staying fresh and cool like the role i so often choose to portray, I'm stuck looking like the fat kid during wind sprints desperately trying to catch up. Fortunately, considering I WAS the fat kid in this particular analogy, I've developed over 20 years of humilty. So, reputation aside, I plan to continue venturing forth on this quest of internet-recorded subterfuge. 

I suppose this would be the time where I sort of introduce myself and explain why I'm doing this blog.

Well, I'm not going to do that. Chances are you already know me and know enough about me to conclude with little doubt what this blog may contain. Also, chances are you'll also do a better job describing why i feel the need to describe life in the ways that i do. You see, the funny thing about being egocentric is that I am reliably inept at seeing and understanding my own flaws- while, on the other hand, most of you could probably describe my social deficiencies with scholarly ease.

On the off chance that I maintain the consistency of this blog, and somehow become nationally recognized for something (probably public masturbation) and  a bunch of people who don't even fucking know me begin to inquire about my deepest, darkest secrets (and perhaps analyze the psyche of a public masturbator) then I suppose it's only fair to give them a proper introduction for when they scroll back to my first ever blog post.

My name is Dan Burnett, I have a family and a house. I predict within the next seven years i will be arrested for pleasuring myself on the steps on the Lincoln Monument.

On the off-off-off chance that I become nationally recognized for something far less scandelous and, dare I say it, admirable, then there will always be plenty of time to bleach out the skeletons in my closet and delete, delete, delete.

Until then, I will use this time period of maybe having 2 or 3 sympathy-readers to say the following:

1. Abortion would be more appealing if it were treated like mothers who eat their placenta. Consuming your neverborn could be quite the wild ride. If you're afraid of the texture, feel free to dehydrate, mince into a powder and encapsulate.

2. In light of The Hunger Games vs. Battle Royale debates sprouting up everywhere I would like to end the discussions with one interest that I know I'm not alone on..  Lets bring back the Gladiator Games. I don't fucking mean spandex either. Lets seriously get some fucked up motherfuckers to battle it out with each other until the death. I would never voluntarily kill someone, but I'm not going to pretend like extremely vile carnage and blood thirst doesn't intrigue me.

3. I want to learn Spanish so I can eavesdrop on my neighbors.


Six of Clubs out. (that's going to be my blog-thing that I do because it makes me feel like Christian Slater in 'Pump Up the Volume')